Pride Weekend…

Well, it is Monday the start of a new week and 360 days before the next pride weekend. It was a crushing depressing weekend. I still haven’t figured out how to terminate my current toxic relationship. We went to the movie’s and saw Transformer’s but I was a million miles away.

It is ruff for me, I hold my emotions close to the vest. Always on guard afraid that anything I say will be used against me. I gonna see a professional maybe they can help me set my life on a better path. The other option is onerrous and scary but I just keep thinking more of it and that cannot be good.

Right now I hate my life and myself. I want to learn to love my life and myself. Will I ever? Please say its possible little voice in my head.

Venting is good right, I hope so. I don’t know what else to do currently.

But back to the original topic, I was hoping to hit a party or two but didn’t. I did go for a long run (18 miles) on Sunday and stop briefly by the GP parade. There were so many smiles. It was uplifting, I should have stayed longer maybe my day would not have been so shitty.

I need to tell someone in my immediate family of what I feel. I am so afraid, so afraid; I hate being judged.

Where have I been lately?

Started this chronicle of life not to long ago and I have strayed. Been letting life get in my way of putting it on the record.

Last movie I saw was Star trek (3 Thumbs Up)
Last DVD I rented was “Taken” (2 Thumbs Up)
Last NY club went to was Santos on a Saturday night. Had a blast. Cute guy named giovanni hit on me, we danced a bit, should have been a bit more agressive, still he had some hot moves. Would love to grind it up with him again.
Last time went down on a guy, Some dude I met at Mr Blacks.
Best Club been to in a while, Sunday night a Hiro’s. Awesome Sunday night.
Last meal I had Puerto Rican Pasteles (Bannana Pie, Mixture wrapped in paper and boiled. Awesome!
Last weight check 137.
Last vist to gym yesterday, going five days a week.
Gym goal, tighten abs. Lookin better everyday, plus looks great at clubs when I take shirt off.

These are just few personal activities.

Work is work, been relatively consistantly late every day for the past month. Wishing I could start my life over. I need to purge a few of the current encumbrances. And then, maybe then, begin anew on my own terms. Working on it though and hopeful. Would love to start fresh on the west coast but not sure about the risk and challenges involved. I’m at that age where people you knew or know are dropping dead. It just makes you think about your goals and reassess to pursue unacheived goals and new ones.

Time will tell me if I made the right decisions or not but time is also not my friend.

I’m still looking for love.

Running a marathon on west coast at the end of July. Looking to party as hard as I can while there. My favorite folk singer will be in that town so I will also catch his show too. Hoping to meet him, he is totaly hot, yum.

sort of a rant.

later.

13.1

Well, I completed my half marathon on Saturday. I was dissappointed with my time though. I was hoping to complete in under 2 hrs with a 8.5 minute mile. I did it at a 9 minute mile pace.

The race was exactly what I expected. tougher at the start because of the hills in prospect park and the last six miles were a breeze because the remainder of the course was flat.

Gonna register for three more races including the Gay Pride run on June 28. Done that one twice before and have always enjoyed myself.

My brother and his husband were in town this weekend and met me at the finish. It was good to see them both and to have someone meet me at the finish.

I really need to join a running club to meet people and join a running group to help me bring up my pace to a more respectable time.