So what were the highlights of 2011? This is a very good question. All seems to be still pending but there has been some progress. Slow as it seems I still love to couple up when opportunity strikes. Yet, with control and responsibility. LOL!! A good shagging as our brothers on the other side of the pond refer to it helps the soul feel young and the physical feel strong.

The loves, well there is only one, still. His beauty is in his sensitivity, the dreams he pursues, the passion in his soul.  Physically he is drop dead gorgeous.

The finances, still hold the same job. Haven’t made any major purchases. No Car, no home, no big vacation.

The spiritual, this like most is still a work in progress. I continue to believe in the greater good in everyone. Even though I have been let down so many times. People will always fascinate me. Some times in there own pursuits they will choose to alienate and offend. I believe that we are here to help one another. Fulfilment (Karma) is found in loving not hating. I would sooner error in being taken advantage of then missing on the experience of helping a soul that crosses my path. That said one can only be a bridge for greater good for so long. My own path needs enrichment as well. So, sometimes one has to say goodbye.

What I look forward to in the new year. I have been marching on the same path to long. One may argue that I have been marching in circles. This year I look to deviate from that path and to dust away the old for new adventures, experiences and to build new friendships.

So to all I know, to all I love, I wish a beautiful NEW YEAR. Muah!!!

I hid, I hide I wanna be free but I am still afraid, WTF.

I am such a passive/aggressive it’s a wonder I can get things done. I do get things done so am I really passive/aggressive???

This was a good weekend though I spent way to much money. Hung out a club called Secret and at the XES bar followed by Greenhouse. I did not really dance at greenhouse but I did enjoy myself. Got way to drunk I am lucky I even made it to work the next day but I did. Was so tired but I managed to keep going. Went straight to bed when I got home. I did have to make dinner first. Made empandas, delicious!

It was nice to crash at friends place when I was drunk. It is always nice to wake up next to a hot sexy man. Would have preferred to have stayed right next to him but had to get to work. He was out like a light when I left. Such a night person he is.

Damn, this post is so random and disorganized in thought.

So last time I posted I was still working uptown at the university. I have since changed jobs and am now downtown at another university. I love this new neighborhood and am glad to be around it. There is just something so alive about that draws me in. There are always people moving, going somewhere. It is beautiful to feel the city vibe traveling from one soul to another. People are amazing.

I have to remember to post more frequently,so as not to forget my thoughts and experiences. All which are growing everyday. This year I have felt asa if I have had a fuller life. The feeling is genuinely good. I hope I can maintain. I was taking depression drugs but stopped. Did not appreciate the side affects.

We met a second night, more of just a date. I met him at his job. He tends bar as he is a struggling actor. We went to another bar that was having karoke night. He’s got a nice set of pipes.

I was so comfortable with him. we talked about each others family and goals.

I hope we remain friends at the minimum. I like to see him perform and work his craft.

I have never been to a leather type street fair. I was told that it is a mini Folsum Street fair. There was this one guy had nothing on but a steel cock ring, huge fuckin belly looked like a pig. Some people should not be nake. But there were also alot of hotties. It was enjoyable, randomly enjoying one another. Steal a kiss here there here again. The Powerhouse bar (a leather bar) was a interesting place. Jam packed with men of every flavor, drinking, kissing, socializing, sucking, groping, touching. It was great feeling and felt so normal. I not into any leather fettishes but it was such an attitude free enviroment that you could not help but feel relaxed in your skin.

It got me thinking that maybe I’ll try to find some excuse to make it to the full Folsum Street fair just to experience it.

I also checked out a few bars in the Castro area. Again had a blast. This one guy, didn’t know how to kiss was all over me. He so desparately wanted to hook up with me but I turned him down. Another guy who I gave my number to called me and was the one who invited me to the street fair. I should have eat something before going because we met someone else at fair and head to his place but I just ran the marathon in the morning and had a few drinks at fair. I had a severe dehydration fit and had to go to hospital. ER re-hydrated me and sent me home. Evening was ruined, shit both guys were so hot. Would have been nice but next time.

I think I’ll run marathon again in San Francisco. I really enjoyed the weekend there.

It is ruff for me, I hold my emotions close to the vest. Always on guard afraid that anything I say will be used against me. I gonna see a professional maybe they can help me set my life on a better path. The other option is onerrous and scary but I just keep thinking more of it and that cannot be good.

Right now I hate my life and myself. I want to learn to love my life and myself. Will I ever? Please say its possible little voice in my head.

Venting is good right, I hope so. I don’t know what else to do currently.

But back to the original topic, I was hoping to hit a party or two but didn’t. I did go for a long run (18 miles) on Sunday and stop briefly by the GP parade. There were so many smiles. It was uplifting, I should have stayed longer maybe my day would not have been so shitty.

I need to tell someone in my immediate family of what I feel. I am so afraid, so afraid; I hate being judged.

Last movie I saw was Star trek (3 Thumbs Up)
Last DVD I rented was “Taken” (2 Thumbs Up)
Last NY club went to was Santos on a Saturday night. Had a blast. Cute guy named giovanni hit on me, we danced a bit, should have been a bit more agressive, still he had some hot moves. Would love to grind it up with him again.
Last time went down on a guy, Some dude I met at Mr Blacks.
Best Club been to in a while, Sunday night a Hiro’s. Awesome Sunday night.
Last meal I had Puerto Rican Pasteles (Bannana Pie, Mixture wrapped in paper and boiled. Awesome!
Last weight check 137.
Last vist to gym yesterday, going five days a week.
Gym goal, tighten abs. Lookin better everyday, plus looks great at clubs when I take shirt off.

These are just few personal activities.

Work is work, been relatively consistantly late every day for the past month. Wishing I could start my life over. I need to purge a few of the current encumbrances. And then, maybe then, begin anew on my own terms. Working on it though and hopeful. Would love to start fresh on the west coast but not sure about the risk and challenges involved. I’m at that age where people you knew or know are dropping dead. It just makes you think about your goals and reassess to pursue unacheived goals and new ones.

Time will tell me if I made the right decisions or not but time is also not my friend.

I’m still looking for love.

Running a marathon on west coast at the end of July. Looking to party as hard as I can while there. My favorite folk singer will be in that town so I will also catch his show too. Hoping to meet him, he is totaly hot, yum.

sort of a rant.

later.

The race was exactly what I expected. tougher at the start because of the hills in prospect park and the last six miles were a breeze because the remainder of the course was flat.

Gonna register for three more races including the Gay Pride run on June 28. Done that one twice before and have always enjoyed myself.

My brother and his husband were in town this weekend and met me at the finish. It was good to see them both and to have someone meet me at the finish.

I really need to join a running club to meet people and join a running group to help me bring up my pace to a more respectable time.